Thought

I am a little hesitant to post this,  number 1 because I am not a mother and number 2 because it is just my opinion and I know my opinion is not always right. In my major, I have the unique opportunity of taking classes that talk a lot about the roles of mothers and fathers so it is something I think often about. Yesterday in Sunday school, we were talking about the divine qualities of mothers and I had this thought that has deeply impressed me.

At the beginning of the semester, one of my teachers told us that she had "found" herself and that she had found what her purpose was in life through her education and job experiences. This made me think about my own experience and I felt kind of bad because I have not felt that I know my individual purpose yet. I love my major and I have loved studying family and interior design, but I just don't feel like it is my purpose to be a "designer" or a "family scientist." I know you must be thinking I chose the wrong major, but I assure you, I did not.

Yesterday, I was thinking how the world would say that in order for women to "find" themselves, they would need to look outside of the home. It seems like it is through education and through having a career that a woman can find who she truly is. This got me thinking about  my own education and job (Not that my job is a career by all means). I was thinking about how I have learned skills and gained knowledge at school and at work but I don't feel like I have learned everything about myself that there is to know.

In Sunday school as we talked about the divine qualities that women have and their ability to nuture, I thought that I do not feel like I know this part of myself yet. I get glimpses of it every once in a while, but I do not think I will fully understand this ability until I have the opportunity to be a mother. I thought about my own mother and the way she is able to comfort and love her children. Over the weekend Brandon and I went to visit Mattie, Scott, and Jonah and Brandon pointed out to me how he noticed the way that Mattie was able to nurture Jonah when he fell down. So I also thought about Mattie. I thought about the change I have seen in her since she has become a mother and how she has developed those nurturing qualities.

This has been a long wind-up but basically my thought was that it is through motherhood, whenever that happens for me,  that I will be able to "find" myself as my teacher did. I cannot think of any job or any field of study that will allow me to develop the divine and inherent qualities of nurturing better than motherhood.

Exciting News

I just registered for my last semester of college and it feels SO good.  I've been looking forward to this moment since I started college. HALLELUJAH!!!!!

inside out

So you know the saying, opposites attract? Well it surely must be true because today when Brandon got home from work he told me that he went half the day at work and one of his co-workers said, "Is there a reason you have your shirt on inside out?" To top it off, he had a big rooster tail in his hair from sleeping on the bus. I care too much, he doesn't care enough. I guess we should meet on the middle on this one.

Intervention

All my life I have had this inner struggle. It's called caring too much about my appearance. You can ask anyone in my family and they will tell you this is so. Ask any of my sisters, they will most likely tell you that I spent more time in front of the mirror than all of them combined. Sadly (not for them) they are all so beautiful that you probably couldn't even tell.

Well today I had an experience and I am calling for a change. I had to get my drivers license renewed today. I woke up late like usual. By the time I got out of the shower, I had a decision to make. Go to class or get ready? I decided to get ready because after all, I would have to get my picture taken for my new license. I would later realize, this was not the best choice. The time came and I went to the Drivers License Division. It was my turn to have my picture taken. I sat down and smiled. The guy didn't do anything so I stopped and then FLASH. He took the picture and I wasn't even paying attention. I had another decision. Should I ask him to retake it, or should I sit down? This might surprise some of you, but I sat down. I thought for one hour how I could have my picture retaken. There was a huge line so I pretty much had decided I was just going to have to deal with the picture they took. They called my number and I went to finish things up. I was highly tempted to ask for a new picture but I didn't. They printed off my temporary one and it was as bad as I thought it would be. I am stuck with this quarter smiling, mug shot until I have to renew my license again. I'm sure I will cringe everytime someone asks to see my ID. This is how I have to remember myself. Why did I spend my time getting ready? A wet ponytail would not have hurt this picture at all. Part of me still has a pit in my stomach when I think of the picture, but another part of me is relieved that I didn't ask for a retake. Today, I took my first step on my road to recovery.

Entropy

Ever heard of that? Well if you have then you know that it is the concept that nature tends to go from order to disorder. The other day in one of my classes, we were talking about this concept and how it is nearly impossible for nature to go from disorder to order. It would be like baking a cookie and then trying to separate the ingredients out again. Not going to happen. Then my teacher said something that really struck me. She said that the atonement is the answer to entropy. It is only through the atonement that we can be made whole again. No matter how disordered our life is, through the atonement, we can put it back together. I am so grateful for a Savior who was willing to suffer for me so that I can be made whole.

ordinary

"God must have loved the ordinary events because he made so many of them. "-Abraham Lincoln

I read this quote in one of my textbooks today and I loved it. It was such a good reminder to me to find joy in everyday life instead of thinking the joy will come later. I always think I will be happier when I have a dishwasher or when I have more money or when I am graduated, but I am so blessed to have all I have today. I am blessed to have a husband to feed and an apartment to clean and clothes to wash and dishes to do and a chance to get an education and feet that can walk me to school everyday and furniture to dust and I could go on and on. I need to be better at finding joy in the ordinary because like Abe said, there are so many of them.

B day

Today is Brandon's 24th birthday!

I am soooooooooo glad he was born!

Hobbies: FISHING, soccer, watching football, anything sports, spending time with yours truly.

Favorite T.V. shows: football, ESPN (if we had it), Simpsons :(, Myth Busters as of late

Favorite Book: Les Miserables

Favorite Candy: Gummy Bears

Future Endeavors: Dental School
Best qualities: HANDSOME, smart, funny, easygoing, THOUGHTFUL, kind, HARDWORKING, the list could go on and on. He's really got it all.
Biggest Fan: ME

I love you Brandon! Happy Birthday!